This is part two of three in a masterpost for people questioning their orientation. This part will cover ace-spec identities. I will also, go more in depth into identifying whether you're ace-spec or not.
What is Sexual Attraction
Sexual attraction is the desire to have sex with a specific person. Sexual attraction has nothing to do with sex drive/libido. Some (but not all) asexual people have a sex drive, however this is only the desire for sex in general. They do not have the desire to have sex with anyone in particular. Put simply, an asexual person will never look at someone and think “I want to have sex with that person.”
Potential Signs of Being Ace-Spec
Note that these are only generalizations. Some asexual people won't related to any of these, and some allosexual people might related to some of them. This just serves as possible signs that you aren't allosexual.
- You are general uninterested in sex. Or your interest in sex is more scientific than emotional.
- You don’t understand how people can look at someone and want to have sex with them.
- You don’t understand the idea of someone doing something just for sex. Why don’t they just not?
- If you had sex, your reaction was “meh”. You don’t understand what people were making such a bad deal about.
- You feel left out or confused when your friends talk about sex.
- On multiple occasions you have had to pretend to be sexually interested in someone because that’s what you’re “suppose” to do.
- You have not had sex in years, and aren’t bothered by that. Or you would be fine with the idea of never having sex again.
- Asexual: Someone who does not feel any sexual attraction.
- Acespike: Someone who is usually asexual, but occasionally feel intense sexual feelings for a short amount of time.
- Greyasexual: Someone who feels sexual attraction very rarely or weakly.
- Demisexual: Someone who only feels sexual attraction after they have a deep emotional connection with someone.
- Aceflux: Someone whose sexual feelings fluctuate but generally stays on the asexual spectrum.
- Aliquasexual: Someone who only feels sexual attraction under specific circumstances.
- Reciprosexual: Someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction unless they know that the other person is attracted to them first.
- Fraysexual: Someone who only experiences sexual attraction towards those they are not deeply connected with, and lose that attraction when they get to know the person. (The opposite of demisexual.)
- Lithosexual: Someone who experience sexual attraction but do not want it reciprocated/loose that attraction when it is reciprocated.
- Ace-jump: Someone who is normally allosexual, but experiences rare, and intense spikes of total or near total asexuality for a short amount of time.
Ace-spec labels can be combined with any other sexuality. As some examples:
Demibisexual: Only feeling attraction after you have a deep emotional connection. This attraction can occur towards two or more genders.
Gayaceflux/Gayflux: Your sexual feelings fluctuate from gay to asexual.
Greyheterosexual: You feel sexual attraction to a different gender but only very rarely or weakly.
Any sexuality can be combined with any ace-spec identity (with the exception of purely asexual).
More Ace-Spec Terms
These are terms that can be used in conjuction with other the above ace-spec identites.
- Acevague: When someone's ace-spec identity is partially or fully influenced by their neurodivergency.
- Amicussexual: When someone only develops sexual attraction to people they have a platonic relationship with. (Subcategory of demisexual.)
- Apressexual: When sexual attraction only develops after another form of attraction is felt (platonic, romantic, etc.) (Subset of demisexual.)
- Caedsexual: Someone who was at one point allosexual, but that has been partly or fully cut away from their attraction due to past trauma.
- Fictosexual: Someone who only feels sexual attraction to fictional characters. (Subcategory of proculsexual.)
- Proculsexual: Someone who only feels sexual attraction to people who they're sure they can never be in a relationship with, such as celebrities or fictional characters.
- Requisexual: When someone has limited or no sexual attraction due to emotional exhaustion. (For neurodivergant and disabled people.)
Words To Describe Your Feelings Towards Sex
I Don’t Like Sex
- Agensexual: Genitalia repulsed asexual. May or may not also be sex repulsed.
- Apothisexual or Sex-Repulsed: Someone who is repulsed or disgusted by the idea of sex.
- Anticarnal: Someone who feels a strong visceral reaction of disgust at the concept of sex in general.
- Discarnal: Someone who is opposed/disgusted by the idea of engaging in sex themselves, but is fine with sexual activity that does not involve them.
No Strong Opinion
I Have a Sex Drive
- Aremsexual: Someone who has a sex drive, but usually is not attracted to other people.
- Autochorisexual/Aegosexual: Someone who has a disconnect between themself and the subject of arousal. They may have sexual fantasies, watch porn, or masturbate, but do not desire to have sex with another person.
I Like the Idea of Sex
- Iamvanosexual: Someone who enjoys having sexual acts performed on them but does not want to perform sexual acts on others.
- Placiosexual: Someone who enjoys performing sexual acts for other people but does not want them reciprocated.
- Sex-Favorable or Iculasexual or Procarnal: Someone who enjoys the idea of sex, despite not feeling sexual attraction.
- Acorsexual: Someone who experiences sexual attraction that they want to act on, but at the same time they have a strong aversion doing so.
- Apathsexual: Someone who lacks interest in acting on their attraction. May or may not feel attraction, but it doesn’t matter to them.
- ARCflux: When one’s feelings about sex fluctuate.
- ARCsexual: Someone who feels averse, repulsed, or conflicted towards sex.
- Chameleosexual: When someone prefers to receive or perform sexual acts based on the gender of their partner.
- Eriscarnal: Sex conflicted. When there’s disconnect between one's conscious desires and one's subconscious reactions.
- Inactsexual: Someone who experiences sexual attraction and desires a sexual relationship despite being sex repulsed.
- Sex-Ambivalent: Having complicated feelings towards sex.
Can I be ace-spec if I watch porn/masturbate/have a libido?
Yes. Sex drive is entirely separate from sexual attraction. You can be asexual as long as you don’t experience the desire to have sex with someone specifically.
Can I be ace-spec if I enjoy sex/want to have sex?
Yes. You can enjoy the act of sex without being sexually attracted to someone. Some asexuals have a low sex drive, but these things are not the same.
Can I be ace-spec if I have/want to have a romantic relationship?
Yes, romantic attraction is entirely separate from sexual attraction. You can have or want a romantic relationship without any sexual aspects. Ace-spec people can have any romantic orientation.
Can I combine demi/grey/litho/fray/etc. and [insert sexuality here]?
Isn’t [insert a-spec identity here] just normal?
No. If you think that either you’re ace-spec yourself and don’t know it, or you’re entirely misunderstanding what it means. Allow me to go over the common ones that people use:
What people think it means: “I wouldn’t have sex with someone on the first date.”
What it actually means: Attraction is not equivalent to action. An allosexual can be sexually attracted someone and want to have sex with them, but choose not to act on it. You might not have sex with someone as soon as you mean them, but you can still be sexually attracted to them, and want to have sex with them. A demisexual person literally cannot feel sexually attracted to someone until they have a strong connection to them, this strong connection might take years to develop.
What people think it means: “I wouldn’t have sex with someone who doesn’t want it.”
What it actually means: Once again, attraction is not equivalent to action. An allosexual person can want to have sex with someone, even if that other person isn't interested. If reciprosexual was “just normal” then unreciprocated crushes would not exist. A reciprosexual person literally does not feel any attraction until they know the other person likes them.
What people think it means: Being a bottom/top.
What it actually means: Being repulsed at the idea of preforming/receiving sexual actions.