Nonamory is a lifestyle choice that does not include intimate, long term partnerships. One does not need or want a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner. They do not need or want a queerplatonic partner, or platonic life-partner. One can be nonamorous regardless of romantic orientation, however it is most common among aromantic and aro-spec people. Among non-aromantic people nonamory can be used to refer to someone who does not want a romantic relationship. Among aromantics it is most commonly used to refer to an aro-spec person who does not desire queerplatonic relationships, or similar long term partnerships. Some nonamorous people also do not desire significant platonic relationships, and may identify as aplatonic.
Nonamorous people may instead decide to focus on friends or family, or they may choose to be solitary. Their life may focus on many fulfilling things such as hobbies, career, friendship, the arts, traveling, spirituality, social activism, learning, or more. They may or may not be sexually active.
Since nonamory is a lifestyle that one can choose an alloromantic person can choose to be nonamorous, similar to how an allosexual person may choose to be celibate. A nonamorous person feels the same way about romance and life-partnerships as a celibate person feels about sex.
History[edit | edit source]
Around summer of 2019 the term nonamorous, along with other terms like it, was criticized by part of the aromantic community. The criticism stemmed from the fact that the term implied that someone who is not nonamorous would be "amorous". Since amorous and armory is typically used to exclusively describe sexual or romantic relationships this caused discomfort among parts of the community that would fall under this "amorous" label.
However, when potential alternatives to nonamorous were created they were similarly criticizes, leaving the nonamorous part of the community frustrated at not having an "acceptable" term to describe themselves. This led to the user Arotaro replacing any instance of "nonamous" with the self introduction monologue of Greed from Fullmetal Alchemist to show the futility in trying to create perfect labels and the frustration of not being able to label themselves, as well as showing showing that the meaning of any given word is completely arbitrary. The quote goes "I’m Greed. I want everything you can think of: money and women, power and sex, status, glory, I demand the finer things. And of course I crave eternal life."
Flag[edit | edit source]
The nonamorous flag was designed by an anonymous used, submitted to beyond-mogai-pride-flags on January 25, 2019. The color meanings are as follows:
Indigo represents the integrity nonamorous people show towards themselves in spite of social pressure to enter into monogamous relationships. Magenta represents compassion and solidarity between members of the nonamorous community as well as other people who struggle against the pressures of a hetero- and monogamocentric society. It also represents the harmony we can achieve outside of ‘traditional’ long-term partnerships. Amber represents the joy, independence, and confidence nonamorous people harbor, both in non-monogamous relationships and with themselves, as well as solidarity.
Turquoise represents the healing and self-sufficiency nonamorous people find as a community despite living in a world that treats them as ‘incomplete’ for not seeking out a monogamous partnership. The letter V was use to represent adventurousness and creativity in how nonamorous people relate to the world, and to represent how nonamory has long been in ‘uncharted waters’ in terms of general awareness and acceptance.
Resources[edit | edit source]